need motivation to study...ugh.

so the idea of engagement was brought up with mom and dad and it did not go well...dumb traditions. if i had married a white guy or at least someone of non-viet descent, all this crap would be easier.

all i wanna do it cry.

not much studying today. i did, however, tape up over 20 boxes that will be stored at my inlaws for the yr. chieu cleaned out his shed (finally). i feel like such a nag with him, and i dont' want to be a nag. finished my invitations, took out recycling, went to church. all in all, productive, just not towards what really matters. the NAPLEX...now...i think i need to study.

its been an emotional couple of days...but then again, when am i not emotional? i'm such a girl in that way.

chieu told his dad that we wanted to get married....wow. things are happening for real now.

excited, happy and scared at the same time.

=D

easter weekend is over. it was alot of fun...

thursday - church and smokey bones for dinner
friday - we went driving on the blue ridge parkway, mill mountain park for a picnic and then shopping.
saturday - wafflehouse, window shopping, fishburn park. had montanos. delicioso. =D
sunday - great 611, went shopping, but everythings closed...haha. maggie moos. yummy stuff.

he left this morning, after deciding he only wanted to work 1/2 day after the alarm went off at 530am. oh well. i <3 him so.

miss him already and he left only 5 hours ago. =(

as i am sitting here, supposedly studying arrhythmias for the naplex and waiting for chieu to come...t-minus 6 hours, i realize more and more how lucky i am to have him in my life. i forget sometimes, how after being together for so long, the unspoken reassurances that are there. sometimes, i miss the excitement of a new relationship, the first date, the first kiss, all the nerves and the new relationship glow. but all that fades, and if you're lucky, a secure, honest, faithful relationship prevails. many times, i forget to appreciate all those things. today, i am very thankful.

caught up on my stuff on day 2. yay.

but day 3 and 4 were stuck on the same chapter. now i'm 2 days behind...and falling more. boo.

on the brighter side, packing's better. i think i can fit all my stuff to take home. yay!

spam musubi....yummy stuff.

day 1 of studying and i'm already 2 chapters behind where i wanna be. :: sigh :: this is more difficult than i thought.

actually went running today. that's a plus. need to get back to working out and watching what i eat. i've gained so much weight since xmas.

my last official weekend in winnie, next time, it'll be for graduation. yay!

said goodbye to my old roomie. we're all parting ways now. i wonder what will become of us 5 years from now...or even 1.

KY initiation was yesterday. It went well i think. it was fun.

need to get back on track with my diet and what not. i'm up to 110 today. ewww.

. straight A's through pharmacy rotations. yes baby!
. packing some more. making good progress i think.
. my preceptor gave me friday off! yay!
. corned beef today. yum yum. (my appreciation always involves food...i love food!)
. triaminette wine from amrhein vineyard. good stuff.

now to work on my practicum and review biostats. yuck.

he came! he came! he came!

and of course, i fell apart on him...but at least i know he'll be there even tho i go nuts on him and won't talk to him for no apparent reason (well, nothing that was his fault anyways)

we had a great weekend. had seafood tom yum on friday. Saturday, went to Thelma's chicken and waffles, best chicken ever! and st patty's day parade (never been to one before). ate at corned beef...it was jsut alright, not worth the hour wait. and we finally had our valentine's dinner at carlos brazilian (so worth the wait). that place was DELICIOUS. Sunday, we went to Amrhein vineyard in Bent mountain. i'm glad we went. got 2 bottles of good good wine. ate at alejandros and 611 steakhouse for dinner. gained so much weight this weekend from all the eating out.

MUST DIET. but it was all so worth it. 2 more weekends with him...thats it =(

still an emotional wreck. ugh. i hate myself.

i don't even know if he's coming tomorrow. :: sigh :: i want him to, but i don't think i can talk to him without falling apart.

i'm an emotional roller coaster today...actually, it started last night.

chieu was out with friends all day yesterday and i tried my best not to get mad/sad about that, but in the end, my emotions won out.

i try not to resent him because I CHOSE to move down here to be closer to him, but its so lonely and he doesn't seem to understand it at all. i tell him and he goes, well, do something. even if i do something, i'm still BY MYSELF. a year of suppression and now i just don't know how to handle it.

i'm not mad at him, but i don't want to talk to him either. :: sigh :: i dunno what i want.

. spent 1/2 my day working on fluoroquinolone resistance. i'm so proud of myself. i'm such a nerd.
. bdubs hot classic wings...yummmmmmm.
. 63 degree weather...felt so good outside.
. interesting lecture on etoh and the brain today (even though i could barely keep my eyes open dt food coma from lunch)
. packed 2 boxes (mayb 1.75) of stuff today.
. unpacked laundry from the weekend and put most of it away (or at least in the closet anyways)
. its 842pm and i'm still awake. hahaha. sad sleeping schedule.

skipped another day. consistency is not my forte.

. made it home from winchester in one piece.
. $4 black peep toe 1-inch heels
. $4 key hole nine-west sweater
. bob evan's biscuit and gravy.....yummy.
. cindy waking up early to have breakfast with me.
. got my presentation topic today...last one in pharmacy school! whoo hoo!
. 55 degrees today. it felt so warm and so good not to have to wear a big ol' coat.

oops. missed a day already.

. good midpoint eval from my preceptor
. made it to winchester in one piece...
. good times with cindy...i'm gonna miss these catch ups
. good times with miriam. i'm gonna miss working with her
. chili's beer rub ribs...yum yum.
. pomegranate margarita + other drinks. more yum

i'm gonna try something new. i'm going to write 5 things i appreciate everyday. hopefully, they won't be all repeats....really trying to look at things in a positive way.

1. it didn't snow today...it was actually deceptively sunny (really windy = cold)
2. i went shopping and bought a shirt, dress and shoes for < $17!
3. i was able to talk to mom and gummy and i'm glad they're well (as much as i disagree with her at times)
4. a good friend was there when i really needed her...
5. i finally cleaned the pile of papers in my room...after 6 months...hahahaha.

106.6.

no motivation. its 5am, i shoudl be at the gym, but i'm not. the weather doesn't help. its march and snowing! aaaah.

spring...please come soon.

gah. i'm 105 now. i'm tired of dieting, starving and being hungry all the time. when i'm actually 100, that's how i am. so when i do eat, i just gain weight.

=(

dunno what i wanna do. i want to lose another 10 lbs, but don't have the willpower/mindpower. i give into my cravings too easily.

alot has gone in since i last posted.

finished my 5th rotation at RMH outpt pharmacy. went home for xmas and ate alot alot alot. gained ~3-4 lbs. been working it off for the last week. i lost 3 lbs this week. now i'm super lazy.

so last night, i kept looking at this better than sex cake (previously found at wildflour), so i decided this morning to try and make it myself, seemed simple enough. I made it, i was planning on b*p'ing it anyways, but when it was done, i didn't like it. too rich. surprising eh? ended up throwing out 80% of the cake.

today, i am 100.4lbs. same as yesterday. didn't work out yesterday, so its understandable i guess. feeling lazy today too, don't wanna work out. blah. this is bad.